This will be a regular feature. The piece below won our writing homework of the month.
All of us had to write a letter to a disliked aunt either thanking her for yet another awful present or excusing ourselves from attending her milestone party. John Engall won this month.
Dear Aunt Amelia,
I hope your birthday lunch was a lot of fun. I’m so sorry that we couldn’t be there. (Fred and Marjorie said you were in good form, managing to offend or upset just about everyone at the table.)
We left home in plenty of time to get to the restaurant for 1 o’clock but just a couple of miles down the road, the exhaust fell off the Jag. We didn’t want to wait to have it fixed so I left Susan and the kids and the dog in a café and took the bus home to get Susan’s car.
An hour later, we were on our way, all squeezed into the little Renault, but soon afterwards Rusty had one of his rare accidents – perhaps it was the remains of last night’s curry that he wolfed down for breakfast, perhaps it was a dodgy bacon sandwich in the café, who knows? Anyway, the kids, the dog (and the back seat) were not fit to visit anywhere. We thought about a carwash with the windows open but decided to go home instead.
While Susan bathed and changed the children, I did my best to hose down the dog and the back seat. Another hour went by but finally with clean kids, clean dog and lots of towels on the back seat, we were on our way once more. (The smell still lingers, three days after the event. Susan says we’ll have to sell the car, preferably to an elderly couple – that way, they’ll never be quite sure if it’s them or the car! Her sense of humour doesn’t improve!)
Anyway, ten miles from home we found the road blocked by a rather dilapidated horse-box. The ramp had dropped down and four horses were wandering around. Well, you know Susan and horses, she had to help the driver round them up and get them back in the horse-box.
By now, it was nearly 3 o’clock and we thought your lunch would be finished. We were still 30 miles away so we decided to go home and see what was in the freezer.
I’m sure you’ll understand that we did our best to be with you on your special day but Lady Luck was occupied elsewhere that day. Enjoy the rest of the year and perhaps we’ll see you at Christmas.
Susan, Don, Charlotte, George and Rusty.